Monday, September 24, 2007

Resident Evil: Extinction


Some movies you go to see with the full certainty that you shouldn't. But it had Milla Jovovich in it.

Finagle's Law applies to movies -- going to see 3:10 to Yuma, no one asked me what I was on my way to see, when I'd have been happy to discuss it. Going to see Resident Evil, three different friendly people embarrassed me with that question.

Two black characters -- in one Sacrificial Negro bit the woman dies while protecting white people; the black guy (mild spoiler) ... dies after turning into a zombie and menacing a white girl. I still don't agree with Barnes about Unforgiven, but once you're sensitized to these tropes, it's depressing how frequently they appear.

On the upside, Milla spends the entire movie in a thin white t-shirt, and they must have iced her nipples before every scene. Worked for me.

The tiny bit of fame I've got has mostly not been enjoyable to me (and mostly not a problem, either, so no whining) -- but I did get this out of it:

MegaHAL: "TRENT REZNOR, MILLA JOVOVICH, BRYAN FERRY, DR.KIERSEY, GAVIN FRIDAY, DANIEL KEYS MORAN, ELFQUEST, THE KING JAMES BIBLE... THESE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE LONG AND METALLIC."

~~~~~

The Last Dancer should go to Immunity later this week. If anyone out there is still reading, drop me a line if you've run across anything.

11 comments:

Steve Perry said...

It's another movie based on a video game. Right out of the chute, you ought to know you are sitting on a bad bull ...

My daughter, who writes under the name "S.D. Perry," has written several novels in the Resident Evil universe. She has quite a fan following.

You wouldn't think there would be that much crossover, but the books apparently sell pretty well.

Dan Moran said...

If only a small % of the people watching the movies read the books, that still puts her up on most non-tie-in SF, in this day and age.

I wasn't expecting quality. (I'm not a huge Resident Evil fan -- I skipped #2. We only went to this one because we were bored and couldn't sleep, late Saturday night.)

Mike G. said...

How about "The Left Behind"? That was a GREAT short story, and it's already pdf'd out there somewhere...

I'm looking forward to tLD as a PDF - my paperback is about to start losing pages, I fear.

Tom said...

Lately most of the movies I go see I expect to be pretty horrible. Rush Hour 3, Balls of Fury, War, you name it. 3:10 to Yuma is the exeption here, Christian Bale did a great job there, just as I expected hime too.

I've almost talked myself into seeing Dragon Wars. I've managed to resist the temptation so far, but the CG dragons are tugging at the edges of my soul here. thankfully it'll be out of the theater soon.

TLD is good news.

I went and looked up megaHAL after seeing this post...fantastic. I was rolling on the floor after reading the transcripts. Brings me to the question, how does it feel, being long and metallic?

Steve Perry said...

"Lately most of the movies I go see I expect to be pretty horrible. Rush Hour 3, Balls of Fury, War, you name it."

Reminds me of the guy taking his wife on a honeymoon cruise in the south seas. She wants to go, but gets seasick. So he goes to the drugstore, and buys a case of condoms and five bottles of dramamine. As he's checking out, the pharmacist looks at him and says, "Gee, buddy, if it makes you that sick, why do it at all ... ?"

Rob said...

Resident Evil is the only movie I've ever seen so utterly lacking in any value that I asked for my money back. I knew going in that it would be a bad movie, but I hoped it could be enjoyable on its own terms as a bad movie; but even allowing the movie to define its own value context, I found myself thinking that it failed to live up to even its own meager standards.

eKaser said...

I've sent you three emails with notes about TLD proofreading. You replied regarding the font on the "United Earth Intelligences", so I know you got that one. The other two I never heard anything from you (the second was just sent yesterday), so I don't know if you got them or not. If you've received two emails from me with "batches" of proofread notes, then all is fine. If not, let me know and I'll resend them.

Everett Kaser

Dan Moran said...

Everett -- I got them. Sent you email as well.

MikeG -- yeah, I'll get "LeftBehind" out soon.

Dan Moran said...

Oh, and Tom -- yeah, MegaHal is great. There's an insane November in "Lord November" -- some of his dialog came from Racter, back in the day. I'd love to try recasting some of his dialog with a more modern chatterbot.

Dan Moran said...

... and being long and metallic feels great. If I could arrange to be long and metalllic at the same time as Milla Jovovich, and in the same place ... OK, that's tacky. But heartfelt.

The Bunnyman said...

You have to go into the RE movies expecting blows-up-real-good-high-velocity crap. If you do, you'll really dig on the first and the third. (I can't imagine the mindset necessary to enjoying the second installment; that one went so badly off the rails about halfway through that I have no idea where it ended up, but it wasn't anywhere near good, or even enjoyable).

Being a huge fan of zombie movies helps, too. Unlike the mess that was 28 Days Later, or even the obviously good intentioned but still ultimately malformed remake of Dawn of the Dead, the first and third RE installments recreate the essential core of the zombie genre beautifully. And the latest one tosses in a lot of other sneaky sideways schlock references as well, to everything from The Devil's Rejects to The Road Warrior.

The unbelievable stupidity of this latest RE can be seen simply by reflecting on the obvious fact that, in a hellish future where there is hardly any food, water, gas, shelter, law, or even band-aids, nonetheless, we still obviously have enough haircare products to ride out the next millenium on a wave of Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine. Beyond that, it heartens me to know that apparently years of starvation, assault, and attrition will turn every human survivor into a gorgeous buffed up action figure. Shit, I can't WAIT. ;)